. . . until the New Hampshire primary.
I got all dressed up in a tight minidress, fishnet stockings and high heels last night. I daubed a bit of Shalimar on and headed over to Larry's Bar. I'll admit it: I was looking to be seduced. But it didn't happen.
At 9:00, this guy Barack walks in. He's almost a regular at Larry's, and when I'd watched him from afar, I could see why a lot of other women were attracted to him. He was tall, dark, handsome and nicely dressed. He spoke in a seductive, rich baritone.
I sidled up next to him and listened closely while he chatted with Larry the bartender. I was trying hard to feel a tingle, to imagine him and me together in a passionate 20 month relationship, followed by a big wedding and a long, happy marriage. A lot of my friends had told me, "this is the guy for you," but right then I just couldn't see it.
It's a little hard to put my finger on why, despite my desires, I didn't just throw myself at him last night. He said a lot of the right things, things I agreed with. But sometimes it was like he had the words but not the music. He talked in a halting kind of way, with lots of "uh's," as if he was nervous or distracted. There didn't seem to be a whole lot of passion to what he was saying. He was mechanical. His answers to Larry's questions went on too long; I found myself wishing he'd just say "yes" or "no," give a one-sentence amplification, and then just shut up. My attention wandered while he was speaking. At times, the way he spoke reminded me of John K., my ex, a guy I kind of reluctantly hooked up with four years ago. Maybe that's not so surprising; after all, they both work for the same company.
After an hour, I had to make a decision: should I take him home with me or keep looking? It's not like I didn't have other prospects. There was that cute Johnny E. over in the corner; he'd been around for awhile but he seemed to be the kind of man who gets better as he gets older. Then there was Billy, that Hispanic guy. He didn't get a whole lot of attention, but I knew he had seen it all and done it all, and there's something sexy about that (even though his face does look like soggy toast). And then there was that Hillary chick who came in to Larry's a lot. I've never been with another woman before, but I've always been curious about it. She always seemed kind of buttoned-up to me, but I wondered if when I got to know her better, she might be my first.
By the time last call came around, I knew that it just wasn't gonna happen for me tonight. My feet were killing me, so I took off the heels and walked stocking-footed out to my car, wondering if I was still looking for love in all the wrong places.