. . . until the New Hampshire primary.
Columnist David Shribman had a a column out Sunday about all the questions surrounding the 2008 Presidential election. To be sure, there are more uncertainties this year than in most elections past, which with neither party fielding a sitting President or Vice-President and with the race in both parties in both New Hampshire and Iowa being so close. As a public service, though, I thought I would dust off the crystal ball and answer Mr. Shribman's questions.
North Conway, N.H. — We are heading into uncharted territory.
We have the first important test of the presidential season on a
Thursday night. We have the second important test five days later. We
have candidates preparing to campaign through the holiday week between
Christmas and New Year’s Day. We have a woman heading the Democratic
field. We have a Mormon making a strong play in the Republican field.
We have a minister-governor from the last president’s tiny hometown
coming up fast in the polls and bragging about having the endorsement
of a pro wrestler and the star of “Walker, Texas Ranger.”
And there are people who do not think that politics is interesting?
Yes. Angelina Jolie, Brad Pitt, Paris Hilton and Jessica Simpson are far more interesting than Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, Fred Thompson and Mitt Romney. This is a fact; look it up.
What are they looking for, waterboarding at the Republican debate?
Yes! They could waterboard illegal immigrants. It would be awesome.
There are a hundred questions, terribly important and terrifically
interesting questions, that will be settled in the next 11 months. Here
are some of them:
What will happen to the religious conservatives who once felt so
comfortable in their Republican Party harbor?
They will vote for Mike Huckabee, propelling him to a spot on the bottom half of the Republican ticket. The more telegenic of them will appear in videos that will be played at the Republican convention to loud applause. After the convention, they will be discarded like used Kleenex, as usual.
Is the new calendar so
warped that the parties will tire of their nominees in a giant case of
buyer’s remorse around Tax Day in April?
I'm tired already, and it's only December. But so what? It's not like there's some other election that will determine the identity of the leader of the free world I can tune in on. We're stuck.
Will that new calendar help
clarify the differences between the parties and between the presumptive
nominees?
No. In fact, the obfuscation of such differences will be easier, since there will be less time for voters to compare the candidates' positions.
Will there be any role for the national conventions in
Minneapolis and Denver, especially since the mainstream media outlets
are so budget-conscious that there’s little money to cover these
quadrennial politicofests?
See response above re telegenic Christians.
More: How will the Internet change campaigning?
Hasn't Mr. Shribman been paying attention? Quick answer: 1) it will enable candidates to raise more money more efficiently, and 2) it will facilitate the viral transmission of gotcha videos (e.g., the Macaca comment two years ago) and kick-ass speeches (e.g., Howard Dean's speech to the California state convention four years ago).
Will some states opt
out of the traditional Electoral College scheme and divide their votes
rather than sending them in a big bloc, as they pretty much have done
since the 18th century?
No. Both parties fear the idea of actual representative democracy.
Will voters choose a candidate they don’t like
even if they think she is competent and has mastery of the skills they
believe a president needs?
She . . . she . . . she . . . . I wonder who that refers to? But to answer the question, no. American democracy now resembles nothing so much as a high school popularity contest. The next President will be the man or woman Americans feel more comfortable having a beer with.
Will the apparent success of the Iraq surge
provide a surge in support for the candidate who supported it in the
first place?(If it does, will the country feel comfortable with a
president who would take the oath of office as an older man than Ronald
Reagan was?)
McCain will wear his Iraqi albatross even if Iraq becomes as peaceful and democratic as Sweden. The American people are sick of the war and will continue to be so, regardless of how things evolve there.
And: Can a system that rewards the extremes, particularly in Iowa
and New Hampshire, select candidates who can relate to the center of
our politics?
Where are these "extremes"? The difference between the "extreme" candidates and the "mainstream" candidates can be measured in inches. In the single digits.
Does it matter if the candidates raise and spend more
money than candidates ever have before?
Not in absolute terms, no. Only in relative terms. It matters only if you raise more money than the other guy.
Will New Hampshire, which has
chosen John F. Kennedy, Paul E. Tsongas and John F. Kerry (though not
Edward M. Kennedy) in the past, give a boost to another son of
Massachusetts, even though Mitt Romney is not a native Bay Stater?
No. As the recent endorsement of John McCain by the Manchester Union Leader indicates, New Hampshire Republicans are not in step with Romney. Apart from the benefits of name recognition he's got there by virtue of proximity, Romney won't get much support from the anti-tax live-free-or-die Granite State GOP.
I’m not done yet: What is the relationship in the modern day between
experience and competence?
They both take a back seat to celebrity.
Can a superpower afford to select a
president more out of hope of what he might accomplish than out of a
reckoning of what he has accomplished? (And what’s an Illinois state
senator do anyway? Get back to me on that.)
Sure. We did with both Bush II and Clinton, Reagan and Carter. Not the most distinguished company to be in, though. But Illinois state senators grapple with policy issues far more intimately than Texas governors.
Are debates illuminating in any way anymore?
Sure. Without them I wouldn't know that Dennis Kucinich's wife is a total babe.
Will the fact that the
Iowa caucuses may be dominated by people over 50 skew the results and
their meaning?
Could you repeat the question? My hearing aide was turned down. Did you say something about Medicare and Social Security?
Is Gov. Bill Richardson of New Mexico stuck hopelessly
in fourth place in the Democratic contest or is he perfectly positioned
to take advantage of his rivals’ stumbles?
Poor Bill. Maybe he deserves a better result than fourth place, but that's where he'll end up.
Stay with me here a few more moments: Why do reporters, even liberal
ones who are skeptical about foes of abortion and people who can quote
the Bible without having their aides look up quotes from Ecclesiastes,
admire Mike Huckabee so much?
Because even political reporters--I know this is hard to believe, but it's true--even political reporters eventually get tired of bullshit. Huckabee communicates clearly and well.
Is it true that reporters are so invested
in the notion of an underdog insurgent that they are propping up or
propelling Huckabee’s campaign? (Don’t try to answer this question
without calling former Gov. Bruce W. Babbitt of Arizona, the 1988 press
darling who dropped out the day after the New Hampshire primary.)
John Anderson in 1980 is a better example, which only goes to show you how much being a media darling helps.
Are people going to want to encounter candidates at the shopping
mall in Cedar Rapids while they are trying to finish their Christmas
shopping? (Tell me the truth: Who’s more appealing, the guy ringing the
bell for the Salvation Army or the traveling salvation show of Rep.
Dennis Kucinich, the Ohio Democrat?)
Will Dennis's wife be with him?
The questions just keep on coming: Can John McCain find success in
New Hampshire (where he won the 2000 primary by 19 percentage points)
by appealing to a group of independents that is substantially bigger
than the group of Republicans who find him unforgivably iconoclastic
and glib?
Yes, but after New Hampshire he's probably doomed.
How many people will vote for Romney because he is so good-looking?
All of them.
Will it be more than the number who will vote for John Edwards for the
same reason?
If Jesus got into a fight with Superman, who would win?
And is Edwards fishing in the wrong hole by being labor’s
man (a big boon for Walter F. Mondale in Iowa in 1984, a disaster for
him eight days later in New Hampshire)?
Look how little organized labor's endorsement did Howard Dean in Iowa four years ago. Labor's endorsements are sadly irrelevant.
One more time around the circuit: Can Hillary Rodham Clinton
continue to deal in airy canned remarks, or will she have to succumb to
specifics?
I'll take airy canned remarks for $100, Alex.
Will Rudolph W. Giuliani show his lovable side, if he can
find it?
A purely hypothetical question. Giuliani is about war, not love.
Can a campaign that does a credible job in the first two
states live to fight again if its candidate isn’t named Clinton, Obama,
Giuliani or Romney? (If you know the answer, you should get it to Mr.
Edwards immediately.)
Yes, so long as Johnny Boy wears his asbestos underwear, because the heat from the media ("Are you dropping out yet?") will be intense.
Did you read this deep into this column to see if the names
Christopher J. Dodd and Joseph R. Biden Jr. would finally appear? Will
either man be able to compensate for the fact that there is almost no
article that contains their names anymore?
A totally disingenuous question. Mr. Shribman is the executive editor of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, so if the names Dodd and Biden haven't appeared in the media much, it's because he and his colleagues have deliberately avoided mentioning them.
The last one: Honestly, has there ever been a reality television show nearly as good as this?
Isn't Dancing With the Stars still on?